Sunday, October 31, 2010

Sno-cones, snakes, and skeletons, Oh My!

Happy Halloween, ya'll!

(No, I'm not Southern, but I was born in Texas, does that count?)

We've been pretty busy this holiday weekend, which as you can imagine doesn't leave much time for housework. Darn. Friday afternoon was my cool kid's kindergarten Fall Festival. Two bus loads of children spilled out onto the grounds of his teacher's home to take part in hayrides, nature walks, cookie decorating and pumpkin weighing. As fun as that may sound for the kids, it was mild torture for me. I was put in charge of the Singing Station, which entailed singing three earworm songs repeatedly for the duration of the event. The singing part wasn't all that bad, except that my voice went hoarse halfway through. The really bad -no, humiliating - part was that I had to Tootie-Ta at least a thousand times in front of people I know! You say you don't know what the Tootie Ta is? Watch this, and then imagine yourself doing this dance repeatedly around people you know and respect.

Friday night Super Hubby and I took our cool kid to Hallelujah Night at a local church. That place, complete with carnival games and bouncy houses, was insane! There must have been at least 300 frazzled parents with several over-stimulated kids in tow all crammed into one line for a free hot dog. What's worse is that several mothers (and a few kindergartners) stopped me, sang a few lines of the Tootie Ta, and ran away laughing. The question is, were they laughing at me or with me? Regardless, the best part of the night was when Cool Kid got his face painted. The woman doing the designs took one look at him and said "I've got just the thing for you!" Check out her awesome artwork (and Cook Kid's cute face):

Saturday was filled with obligatory visits to the grandparents and trick-or-treating with friends. I just love trick-or-treat night. I have many fond memories of running around my neighborhood as a kid, costumed as a Barbie bride, green-faced witch, or PeeWee Herman begging for candy from strangers. I am so thankful my cool kid gets the same opportunity each year, just watch out for that creepy guy sitting on the porch swing, darling.

Horrible Housewife Confession: the only shred of housework I did this weekend was to finally clear those cobwebs from the corners of my living room. Cobwebs still remain in every other room of the house. I guess I could have left them up one more day as Halloween decorations...

Thursday, October 28, 2010

The truth behind the Horrible Housewife

I've tried to hide it for so long. Those who know me well know the truth... I am a horrible housewife. And trust me, my husband will tell you so.

In my house you will find cobwebs in nearly every corner, dirty dishes in the sink, dust on most surfaces, and piles of laundry so big a small child could get lost. I used to be embarrassed by my horrendous housekeeping skills (or lack thereof). Unannounced visitors would send me into a speed-cleaning shove-stuff-under-the-bed frenzy. What's worse is that I come from a long line of perfect housewives. I am surrounded by June Cleaver wannabe's! My mother keeps her house in tip-top shape. My grandmother raised 6 kids in a spotless house. Grandma's house was so perfect she even used place mats and cloth napkins! I mean, can you image?! My sister-in-law, bless her spotless soul, cannot physically rest unless her house is in perfect order.

I, however, do not share the same genetic code as these women. I can sleep just fine if my floors are not mopped. Isn't that what the dog is for? I use paper napkins. There are toothpaste stains in my bathroom sink. Hey, I'm not perfect, and I don't try to be.

Now before you run away screaming "She's a SLOB!," let me explain myself. In all actuality, I'm not even a housewife. While I don't by definition "work" outside of my home, I am gone pretty much all day every day. I am a full-time college student, you see. And I am a part-time 2nd grade teacher. After I get home from college classes and teaching, I have oodles of homework and lesson plans to do. Which, as you can imagine, does not leave much time for spicking-and-spanning. Instead of scouring the walls, I prefer to spend my free time lovin' on my husband and kid. This is my platform to share it all with you.

This blog will chronicle the misadventures of our lived-in home, my failures at being a housewife, and how, at times, my husband flips his lid over the crap covering the nightstand. I hope you get a laugh or two out of my corner of the blogosphere.